Rewriting Your Story

Are you sick of the same old story you are telling yourself? 
Do you feel like your best was in the past or in an imagined future? 
Does your life soundtrack sound like a busted re-recorded bootleg album?

Our stories are in our past, we are in the present and the future is in our imagination.
What if we allowed our present self to rewrite the past to support our current desires and build our future?

As we compare the facts of our life to the stories we tell ourselves about it, we can identify the main themes, reveal the unresolved chapters, and assess how the current story is serving you now. 

The facts of our lives are few, but the stories are many: Learn  we can use this to our advantage. We can literally write a new story, and this rewrite tool  actually help us in our future life.

Transcript

Hello, my lovely ladies. So I recently gave a talk about rewriting your story, and I had so many ideas about it and it was only a 10 minute talk. So I, just kind of bringing like all those elements that I wish I could have added to that talk. I'm going to just throw them in the stew here because it's really good stuff.

So I guess what I mean by rewriting your story,  is that we all have a history,  and memories and things that,  have created the foundation of who we think we are. And,  it's really interesting because  our brains want to  keep massaging the same past scenarios and, and it thinks it's doing it in the same way every time.

  But, it's not really. And I'm going to get back to that in a minute. the other thing is that then we leave so much unexamined, right? And I think that we're leaving a lot of money on the table, so to speak, in doing that. So I want to. Talk about ways in which we can use this rewrite tool to actually help us in our future life.

Which is at this moment just in our imagination. So when we speak of story, of course, we have to talk about time. Our stories are in our past, we are in the present and the future is in our imagination.  But the thing that I really want to drive home  with regards to the past and, and,  I really love the way a Brooke Castillo puts it.

 Puts it in the leanest meanest way possible, just the past doesn't exist. It's over. Yeah. And, you know, it's kind of, um, depending on how you're situated in thinking about it, it could sound a little challenging or inflammatory. Or maybe it's a relief if you really think about it because you know, the events that happened have transpired, you know, you can't unspell milk, right?

So that event is over. And so if we, if we can accept that as truth, because it is true, technically what remains  is story. It's just simply story. So this can actually be considered an opportunity. And,  Byron Katie has a really succinct, you know, terse little quote that really sums it up.

Well, we only do three things in life. We stand, we sit and we lie horizontal. So, you know, think about what that really means is just that there's very few things that are just simple fact, right? Like, you know, I was there. I dropped that. Um,  I started my car. I mean, there, there are these things that we, that we do and then there's all the meaning we attach to it. The story that we create around it,  our emotional energy around it, and all of that is,  filters and overlays to,  the bones of,the bare bones of an event. So the past is over, right. It doesn't exist. Not, not now anyway. And what's interesting about it is like going back to a memory is like going back to the scene of the crime.

 And I'm going to just tell you to visualize, like going to the banks of a river, where I don't know something happened and, you're going back there as if to go back in time for that memory. But the fact is,  the water that's running in that river is it's different water. Right. And that's  how time is.

And furthermore not only is the water of the river different, but you are different water. And, you know, that's a beautiful thing. You've evolved. You have ingested, you've integrated, you know, you've sloughed off. You, just like that, that image of the ship, where we replaced one board at a time and,  technically, you know, we're not the same ship, but we are.

And so, you know, our consciousness is constantly moving and shifting, and this is a huge opportunity for us. So, thinking about your own story,  there's a couple of different ones, ways that we can use this, The storytelling self. We can use it to our advantage. Some of the ways I've identified to harness the power of the rewrite go, something like this.

One is to look at your life as kind of a whole, and I like to direct you to your earliest. Conscious self. So it doesn't necessarily have to be like your earliest memory, although it can be, but just think about like the youngest you were, you had consciousness and,  kind of, um, emotional awareness of what was going on around you or  wondering about the adults around you and how you fit in.

So just think about, you know, young conscious you and you want to kind of meditate. Play a song or go in silence and you just want to grow yourself up from that early consciousness. Just  follow your timeline, but  it doesn't have to be as long as your life is. It can be like a three minute music video of your life, right?

What's interesting about this is,  what will come up, you'll get like intuitive hits. Um, because you are  like a higher conscious version of that young self and, your current thinking about that will  start to pop into your head.    When I did this, something really powerful emerged. So,  I'm going to share that with you. So I went to my early conscious self and I pictured myself. Playing with my dolls and not even playing with them.

I used to set up house and I was really into interior decorating, I guess, because, you know, my dolls always had like this really cool dwelling and,  it was more about the setup versus like even really playing with them. I think I really enjoyed that part. So I visualized myself doing that and then cleaning up.

And putting my stuff away. And then I pictured myself, tidying up the house for my mom because my parents would sometimes like run out to the store and I would like quickly spring into action and try to clean up. I think I just,  like to surprise my mom.  And I knew it was helpful.

Anyway. So, you know, I'm only like so far into, growing myself up from that, that early me. And when I saw myself tidying up, I just got this intuitive hit that said, Oh, you're a good girl. And I was like, Ohh. And here's  why that's interesting, is that I started to tear up a little bit. Like,  involuntarily.

And in that moment I realized it was almost like I was saying, Oh, look at you are a good girl. You're not a bad girl. I mean, did I necessarily know that that thinking was lurking there all that time? Like invisible grid lines of my life. I definitely didn't. But, um, kids do. Naughty things and get chastised.

Right. And, you know, adults in our lives don't mean to scar us, but  it's very easy for a child to hear,  their parents reprimand them and maybe taken this lesson that, you know, I am bad rather than I did bad. Right. Like, I'm good. And I did a bad thing and. Thinking about that. I mean, that's the origin of shame, right?

Is that thinking I am bad. I did bad yields guilt, but shame is definitely,  pretty insidious. So uncovering that in that moment was really powerful for me. And I believe in this process very much. So I'd be curious to see what comes up for you. So,   that awareness happened very soon into the process, but,  if you do the work and you just go from that early consciousness all the way to your present day self and see what sticks out.

Cause obviously you're not going to every memory can't fit in there. Right. So it's sort of like what. What were the themes or what are you noticing ?You want to pay close attention to the phrases that pop in your head? Like those were the best days of my life or, Ooh, you know, That was a big mistake or, um, yeah, just any kind of labeling or judging that happens.

There's a lot of opportunity there and I'll,  get into that a little bit more when we discuss your heroic journey, but again, just remember the past doesn't exist. It's just our story about the past and furthermore. You can think about it as your it's your current thoughts about the past. That's all it is whenever you go into the past.

So that means there's opportunity because you can always change your current thoughts because that's the moment you're in. So when you decide to look at your story, We can use this to our advantage or it can stunt how we live. So the awareness piece of course, has to come first and that just involves looking at your life.

But with intention. The first life coach I ever worked with figured out,  based on my, my own narrative, she said, ah, you're taking too much responsibility. And what she meant by that was in the context of relationship,  I would, uh, I keep trying to tweak the formula and trying to figure out a way to heal us or make us better, or, you know, just whatever it was in my part of do.

And I thought that that was the right thing to do. And when she said that to me, you take too much responsibility. It stopped me in my tracks. And I really had to think about what that even meant. You know what I mean? And it's like, What am I doing exactly here taking too much responsibility. So then I really started to think about how I showed up in relationships and, you know, because you don't know what you don't know, and you just think what you're doing is normal and you're devoted, and you're trying, you don't even realize that you are weirdly not trusting the process.

I then understood like, yeah, what's mine is mine. What's theirs is theirs. And, you know, I can only kind of work on my side of the street, but I'm doing it with this expectation. Like it's a manipulation of sorts. Not that that's how I thought about it. Right. Like I thought I was putting in the work. So after that, I went over every relationship,  I'd ever been in.

And I recognize that that was a pattern. Nobody really teaches you this, right? You, you kind of need a, an adult or someone to model this for you. Uh, otherwise I think, especially if you're raised in a way to be. I'm a good girl, quote, unquote, and catering to other people's needs you just think that that's what you're supposed to do.

And I could sort of see all the opportunities I had in past relationships where I should have taken less and let. The other person come to me and have felt confident enough that, you know, if I did my part, what would happen would just happen organically. Right? So that was,  a big awareness piece for me.

So another powerful,  rewrite of your story involves creating your heroic journey and. You know, that could be for your life at large, or could be, you know, based on a certain theme of your life and when you kind of cycle it through. So think about, think about any great movie, um, or heroic quest, right?

Like there's that, you know, young person that's starting to become aware that there's this call. You know, and, and they find signs along the way. Uh, they encounter people with messages, that relate to the quest. Oftentimes they  want to turn their back and say, no, it's,  I'm not the one to do this, but life turns out to be,  not what they think.

And so oftentimes then they go into the shadow and then they get a greater sense of. Self knowledge along the way, like in the shadows. Soon,  they'll find allies and then they take up the sword and, and fight the good fight once again. And oftentimes there's an element of,  that the road back there's, um, an element of coming back with the potion or defeating the monster.  So think about your life in those terms. And I know it sounds really big, but I was able to create my own narrative around my motherhood journey. And as you know, you know, I'm a coach and, um, one of the niches that I work with, are women who have not yet been able to create motherhood and are unhappy about it.

And the purpose of me creating that niche was because I had wished,  for some support for myself while I was on that journey. But I realized now that that my journey was so that I could be the helper to such people. So,  for me, like, you know, my hero journey, I, I was able to connect the dots.

From my early sexuality and then,  going into the dating world. And then I start dreaming of, , having a life with someone. And of course children are part of that. Right. And then like, Oh, life, isn't what you think it is. And you have that learning where you have to go kind of deep in the shadow, you know, when you find your bottom.

 So you,  invest in. Another relationship that doesn't get you there and then you realize you deserve more. And so you kind of figure out a way you  have that awakening and you start to  save yourself and you find your support. Right? And for me,  seizing the sword was just kind of understanding my desires, moving forward with trying to create motherhood.

Um, Yeah. And I consider the road back for me was when I let that go, like, you know, I, I found my level of, I was able to find my peace because I recognize that,  I had a choice I could keep going and, you know, try IVF again, or I could adopt, or I could whatever, but yeah. There was something where I decided that,  I wanted it naturally and I did everything I could to do it on the terms, that I wanted.

And because of that, and because of the way I showed up there, I really felt a kind of peace and letting go. And for me, Rather than being in limbo of different roads stretched out ahead of me. And that gave me so much joy, you know, and of course it's different from if I'd been able to, you know, be a mother I'd, there would be different choice there, of course.

But yeah, once I felt like a choice to decide how motherhood fit into my own life. And I understood that,  I could help. Foster that for other people, or get in alignment with, you know, their level of what they will do to create motherhood or whether they need it or not,  whether they wish to birth something else.

So, yeah, I mean, taking something where I guess on paper, you could consider it, a quote unquote failure. And for me, I mean, really it's, it's why I'm here today. So connecting those dots can be important. And going back, with the intention of connecting to your purpose and seeing how all the things that happen to you are just, building that purpose inside of you, right.

It's part of your little. Your jar of, of goodies collected, which, you know, someday you're gonna, you're going to use that in ways that you can't even imagine. So that is the hero's journey. Now, sometimes you just need to look at a chapter at a time and you know, if there's a particular time in your life and it's kind of induces.

Cringes or you're embarrassed about it or, or you're triggered,  you're really triggered by it that's definitely an invitation for a rewrite or a revisit. Here's a great quote by Susan Statham. Your life is your story. Write well edit often. So yeah, I mean, you can, you can go back as many times as you want, you know, there's these little alarm.

Little nuggets. I kind of look at life. We're all like a sieve. Imagine panning the river for gold. And so the water's always moving, right? Because we're not the same water. The is not the same water because that is time. But there's some sediments that kind of fall to the bottom. And sometimes we, you know, they're just there.

We don't do anything with them for the longest time. But if we actually go back and we see like a little twinkly object that we didn't notice before, and there's probably a reason for that, right. It's resonating with you now. So your current thinking, you know, where you've evolved to now allows you to go back and claim that piece.

And. Integrate it into more fully into your being. So,  why do this work ? Because why not get the maximum joy from your life? I mean, just it's really that simple, you know, if, if memories give you pain and then you. I tend to think back. So in your current thinking, you're always going backwards and revisiting and massaging that pain that will cost you.

It will cost you dearly in terms of your energy and your presence and your awareness and your ability to create more joy in the future. Can even take a physical toll. So, this is the, the stuff of your life, you know, and you can mold it however you want. And this isn't like wishful thinking like, Ooh, you know, let's pretend I was like this.

No, it doesn't mean you don't take ownership for enormous stakes, but again, a mistake, you know, Some people say there are no mistakes, right? Where there are no coincidences. I mean, when you actually can connect it to something else sometimes, um, what was like a bummer occurrence or a choice you were forced to make?

, if, if you've chose differently, um, your current reality would be so much different and think of what you wouldn't have or wouldn't have created. If your choices had been different. But I think what I'm really wanting you to understand is that  your mind is creating your reality and you can do whatever the F you want with the material of your life.

You know, if,  your hero's journey, you know, and all these things that be fellow, you allow you to be,  I don't know the grand Poobah in your mind of LA LA land, then, you know what, like fricking do it. Like you, all you have to do is go back, connect those dots and say, this got me here. This got me closer to here.

And now look, I found the most amazing Tiara and I'm going to wear it. So, yeah, anyway, being funny, but. It's true. And I can, I can go on all day long with my stories, but you're probably gonna get sick of hearing them. Anyways. So I do this work one-on-one with people in a, in a power session and the way it works is that I'll hold the space as you go through your stories and we can look at themes.

We can Look at the underlying,  grid lines of your life, the story you're ultimately telling about yourself, like, are you, are you a victim? You know, are you hero how much agency do you feel over your life? Right. And what's interesting about going back there is this, because it's just your current thinking about your past.

It doesn't matter if you didn't have agency in the past, cause you do now. Right. So we can take whatever we want and we can really like figure out, like, what is your purpose ? What do you want to do now? And then we can mine your life for all the pieces that help support that journey. Sometimes we make a mantra that keeps you on course either way.

Like there's a lot of good work. I call it reset your presets. And I just like the title, but what I mean is like, um, you know, think about the set radio stations in your car, for instance, right. Or,  just like your default modes. And there's probably Oh, here I was acting like this,  and this was like helpless me.

This was, , sassy empowered me, or this was like, I don't give a fuck, you know? And you can kind of, kind of dial down, into  what mode that is for you.  And so if like you need to be the brave view. You know what channels that, right. And like, what do you need to do this next thing?

Like, cause you're going to build on the bravery that you had before, right? So it's just like looking at your life in that way, figuring out like compiling your greatest tits. You can tell I like music themes here, but I really like, you know, does your, does your soundtracks sound kind of, um, Sad and outdated or,  it was it on a cassette and you don't even have accept player anymore.

Um, yeah. It's about where you want to go, like think about your, your workout mix, right? It's kinda like, well, what's that song that like, lets you push through no matter what. So I think, having your, your greatest hits,  more readily available to you and again, just. Getting the gold, from even, even the stuff that you didn't think was good at the time deserves a revisit and a possible rewrite, and we can keep rewriting, right?

Like it's, it's so true. Like we can make it mean whatever we want it to mean. So I invite you to try a session with me. Sometimes, you know, it's, uh, it's good just to create like a mantra for your life right now. I'll have a space for you to really look at your story if you want.

So , the invitation is there.