Getting into the Arena with Jennifer Aniston

 "Sometimes having it all is being able to have a relationship with what you didn't get to have and feeling  whole anyway. "

Unless you live under a rock, you've witnessed Jennifer Aniston poked and prodded with motherhood expectations and speculations for almost 20 years. 

In a recent article in Allure's final print copy, Jennifer finally addresses her motherhood challenges  and discloses how she got into the arena on her own terms. 

In this episode Linda unpacks her experience of Jennifer's motherhood journey, addresses being part of a judging public, and gratefully thanks her for bravely sharing her vulnerable experience.

In trying to create motherhood,  however it works out, however that journey plays out, you are allowed to feel whole and perfect. You can decide that life is happening FOR you, no matter what happens.

Transcript

 Hello. How are you? I have missed you, and it's really good to be back.  Can we, talk about Jennifer Aniston? . Well first actually. Thank you. Jennifer Aniston. Thank you. Thank you, Thank you. Your recent interview in Allure where you disclosed that, you had  a bumpy fertility journey and you are in the other.

And you know, there are a lot of people in the other hood who are fine with it. there are many who have made peace with it. However you find yourself here, I know that sometimes it's not a moniker that we wanna claim, but there it is. And. I personally just found it so validating in a way that I, I wasn't even expecting,  and I, I think what's interesting is that she's at a place, she's, um, she's 53. she is finally like, I don't have to think about this anymore. And how freeing is that? And, I think it's really great to see someone

really has a beautiful life, right? looks great, Sounds great. is doing good work and, to see her satisfied, right? And happy and, and really like, grateful around who she's become. And this journey was part of it. So anyway, I just wanted to start out with some ku. Um, I'm gonna say I wasn't necessarily like a huge fan.

 I think she's, I think she's great. she's got some great comedic timing. her body's fantastic, right? Can't argue with that. I like when she shows in unexpected places in   comedic roles myself. Some   have been big fans of hers since, the friends era, but, anyway.

let's, let's unpack a little bit, why this is important. Why this just put a little sparkle,  back into, my niche,  and by  niche, I mean,  the people that I wanna speak to, right? The people that I want to create helpful content for.  the women in the other hood are gonna always be  my sweet spot.

But again, you never know who's listening. So ladies and gents, um, yeah, let's unpack Jennifer Aniston a little bit, Shall we? So first off, I'm gonna just woman up and say that it is  quite possible that I judged her in the past. And, um, I think why I did is because she was in the media so much and it was this constant like, is there a baby?

Is that a baby bump? Does she want them? Right cover after cover. I'm thinking like US magazine and stuff like that. Right. But, I guess just in my understanding of how these things work, I thought if it's being covered this much, maybe she is participating in this narrative. You know, some celebrities are never in the media , even though  a lot of stuff is happening in their life.

And others are like there all the time. And sometimes I think that's by design, right? Whether you have somebody,  call up tabloids or,  plant little seeds around possible stories. And so I really didn't know if this motherhood, narrative was being perpetuated by her. 

And that's fine. Um, I just wondered what was with the coin around it, right.

So not fully knowing. And then of course, being part of, knowing her, her story, her very public story of  being married to Brad Pitt. And then, them separating. And then the next thing you know he is, With Angelina Jolie,  not just with her, but suddenly like Insta father to her adopted kid, and then they're embarking on this journey of like full brewed parenthood with more adopted kids, as well as more natural born kids.

 you, couldn't help maybe believe like maybe she didn't want kids. Maybe maybe she wanted them because she was supposed to want them, but deep down she didn't, or she had her foot on the brake somewhere  and that maybe Brad just found what he was looking for in that regard. And it might not be just, I mean, Angelina's hot, obviously.

and Adventure. I think she probably blew his mind, but also to be all that, and maternal is probably a huge turn on, and so sounds like they had their adventure. Meanwhile  in some ways  I do believe that. Having this evidence of wanting.  Like there are many people that say they want motherhood, but the actions they take in their life don't necessarily, open the pathway.

They're not trying to get. Pregnant in any fashion, right? Like I think it's more of, um, we subscribe to a kind of dream that we think denotes wholeness, having it all and completion. But we haven't really, we haven't really emotionally tried it on for ourself to see if that's a true desire or not.

And again, I'm not talking about,  people with true infertility. Who are, in the space of having invested and tried it  I'm, I'm just allowing that there is a spectrum and within that spectrum,  ambivalence, ambivalent people are, are very present and there can be, some cases for just going for it and doing it.

Like if you have a lot of resources and. You don't feel like it has to cost you emotionally. Other people, I think, have a sense that maybe they don't have the bandwidth for it, or they, that's not how they want to distribute their energy in this life. Even though the idea of being a mother,  being in the love of your children and in love with your children and maybe husband and family scenario being held in that picture is, really compelling. but not everybody, if they're really honest with themselves, wants to create that as well.

So getting back to Jennifer,  i, I think for me, and, and she's a little older, but, , our timeline's kind of similar. I think that when I was suffering as I was trying and nothing was happening, every pregnancy announcement sort of hurt me.

I was, I would take it a little personally. Um, not wanting to, but you just get that little stab feeling, right? And, and really that's just this  what about me? Why doesn't it ever happen for me feeling, but. I think what I really wanna point to is more about celebrity and, um, it's, it's interesting.

It's almost like these celebrities aren't allowed to fail. Right?  And it's because we see so many times that. It totally is happening. Like, late thirties, forties, no problem. Like they just act like they may as well be 25. Right? No problem. No struggle. Nobody really says, what they went through to do that.

 But I'm just. Whatever, injections, whatever team of of people you have to, , get your body ready and prepared and being able to afford the most expensive doctors and really being able to devote so much time and resource to doing this.

Which,  let's be honest, celebrities have more resources that way than the average person. And it's just so interesting because I would watch, story after story we're in the same boat. They're, they're obviously, wanting to have a kid.  And again, this is like the media telling me this, right?

But they're trying to have a kid and it seems like there's a struggle and then next thing you know, they're pregnant and it's like, okay.  You know that word,  the German word schadenfreude? This whole idea of being a little happy at the misfortunes of others. I don't know. I want like there to be a slightly gentler.

more just like it's comforting to know that other people struggle to that. Like celebrities,  they are still humans with human bodies. Just , because .Someone has propelled themselves up to stardom does not mean their, their womb and ovaries work  right?  But somehow there is this edge, and it feels like, because we take so much of what we see as what's possible.  I, I feel like it's almost dangerous because then you feel like, yeah, totally can get pregnant at 45.

No big deal. or 50 Janet Jackson. Um,  Rachel Weiss, 48. I mean, she just got together with Daniel Craig and I'm sure they were doing it like bunnies, but  good for them and I think it's fantastic and maybe that was natural. I feel like Jenna Jackson, I don't think so.  I think the point about it being natural or unnatural, and by unnatural I just mean enlisting lots of science and medicine and maybe alternate modalities.

So getting back to, Jennifer Aniston and maybe what my understanding of her stance on motherhood was. I was remembering, and it took me a minute to find the article, but I remembered this quote and, and it was driving me crazy where I'd read it and all of a sudden it was like popped into my head.

Vanity Fair. I believe it was  her first big interview after the divorce and after Brad was,  decidedly with Angelina, on that whole adventure.  I'm just gonna read part of it so that  you guys can  get some backdrop said For the 36 year old anon who I'd expected to spend the past year being pregnant, the pain of watching this spectacle unfold was compounded by vicious rumors about herself as misogynist as they were false sensationalistic stories claim, the real reason the marriage ended was that Aniston refused to have Pitt's baby because she was so ambitious and  cared only about her career. So that's already terrible and sad and problematic, right?  And we can understand why socially we make that equation given where he was from and what he went to.

but again, now knowing what we know. about Jennifer, can you imagine how painful that must have been to hear this exact opposite of what you actually felt like you were? So continuing on with this article: even now that sexist slur makes her face darken, a man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over children.

She says That really pissed me. I've never in my life said I didn't wanna have children. I did and I do, and I will. Exclamation point. I don't know why, but I remember reading that I did and I do, and I will, and I felt like something was behind that and I couldn't decide if. That was her having  a should, like, I should want it, you know, like I need to share with the world that I am this kind of woman, a woman who is pro mother and pro children and what have you.

or if she was trying to cheer herself up and now I kind of understand that this is just how she felt. So I think when I'm speaking of, of judgment, it's just like, we don't know because obviously the media set it up so that she had to be in a slightly defensive position about it.

Which is so unfair. I mean, it really is. 

 You think about conception in general and it is just a. Probability possibility. And it can always be a not possibility and a not probability, right?  So to have someone like Jennifer who does seem to have it all,

I mean, she does not look like she's suffering, Right. But getting back to that concept of schadenfreude, I would just say that I think what I, what I really feel more than anything about Jennifer and her, declaration, her revelation. I just think that for the rest of us a message like that gives us less existential angst because you know, it's a true experience being shared.

So Jennifer, in her upper thirties and it took her a while to have that next relationship, I mean, you know, it could be physical infertility, but honestly sometimes it's just circumstantial, sometimes. The partner that you wanna have the babies with is not the most fertile partner for you.

 That's not something that's talked about a lot, but,  sometimes the absence of the nest, can't blame her if she didn't pursue single motherhood in between her marriages. But I hold  very dear that she had this wish, this deep wish for it, and that, it was vulnerable for her to want it.

And that amidst all of these constant covers with like, Oh, is that a baby bump? Um, when will she be a mother? I mean, I just remember seeing so many covers with her.  I just have to say, Wow, I cannot believe that you didn't break down or retort or, say something sooner,  to  nip that in the butt.

But I think that machine, that vehicle is stronger than any individual woman. Even if you are Jennifer Aniston. Um, just bravo,  retroactively,  retrospectively. that's a brave face you put on, and so I just want to lean into admiring that and just thanking you for. Sharing something that really in the end helps to validate someone like myself. Other people in the other hood who can trust that they,  they did what they needed to, to satisfy.

Trying to create motherhood and however that worked out, however that journey played out, that they are so allowed to feel whole and perfect, and that  their life is unfolding. For them. I've said it before. How is this happening for me? Yeah, it sounds like Jennifer as well understands that what she went through has been the making of who she is now, and for that we just have to be grateful.

We have anxiety about how we're doing life if we're doing it right. And again, you most of the time we only see that it's been successful. Right? And so once it's successful, it's almost like we don't have to deal with whatever wasn't successful up to that point.

And so if we are not success, I mean, it just can feel like we failed or we're doing life wrong, et cetera, et cetera. And it just simply isn't true. But as humans, we are so susceptible to   the messaging, and to be in the company of someone like Jennifer who really exudes wholeness,  even though she was not technically successful in this area.

It's just, it's so powerful. It's just powerful. Let's just, let's just take that in for a.  Right. And what a relief it must be for her  I think she even says,   Oh, it's, it's over. It's just kind of off the table and she doesn't have think about it anymore.

And how freeing that it. This. So I think here's my nugget.  sometimes having it all is being able to have a relationship with what you didn't get to have and feel a whole, 

Anyway, So, that's my 2 cents .  curious what you all, think about this. And like I said, I think I'm a bigger fan of Jennifer than I've ever been, so, yes. So may she live in beauty and joy. Love and I wish that for you too.

Till next time.